Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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