I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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