too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
