I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
