They should really pass out barf bags in church
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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