yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize