someone threw a dead crab at me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I forget how to act sober
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
