my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
