threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
