he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
