Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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