This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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