Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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