What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
