i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
