i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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