I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
