im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
