Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
