Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
