At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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