I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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