Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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