Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize