u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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