Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
did you just send me my own nude
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
