a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
