so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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