He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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