well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
