Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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