I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
