I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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