Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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