Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
