ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
