handjob tips. give me some.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
