someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
