Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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