i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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