just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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