my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize