It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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