Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
