normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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