from now on my penis is your penis
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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