Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
