I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
