It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
