as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
