Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
