i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
