rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
