I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
