her vagine was all disorganized.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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