Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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