In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
