Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
