I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
