She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize