If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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