I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
smell my finger.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
