Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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