Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
